The snoring

One of the hardest thing about my situation is how hard it is to get a date. It is what it is, most people are shallow in this western culture world I live in (I'm probably no different). There might have been some girl out there that was interested in me. I know of one. I don't actually know, but I'm pretty sure she wanted something. It happened after a party. The next day I saw her, she was talking with a friend, she was standing outside a restaurant, and as I walked towards the door I saw her reflection, her body language was saying something like "oh well, he doesn't seem interested, or remember anything from last night." There was nothing serious, perhaps we danced a little, but I was drunk so I don't remember. She didn't make a move or made it clear that she is interested. Not having any experience dating, I didn't know how to react. "Maybe I should make a move?" I thought, "but what do I say?" And maybe I was just dreaming. Maybe I was seeing signals that weren't really there. This was quite a while ago, I think more than 8 years.

Today, still, when a girl is nice to me, I would probably see it as her been nice period. Not flirting or anything like that. She is smiling, being friendly that's it. Though I like dreaming that she actually wants more, I tend to rationalize the situation of her just being nice, wanting to be friends, but nothing more.

I feel like there are quite a few serious drawbacks to being in a relationship with me. The most obvious one is I'm not good looking, not even decent you could say. Another one is that currently I don't have a job, and I'm living at home. But the one that bugs me, that made me want to talk about drawbacks, is the snoring. Because of all the surgeries I had in my neck, some night I snore louder than a chainsaw. I wouldn't want to sleep aside that, so why would a girl want to sleep beside me? I need have quite a lot to offer to compensate for all these drawbacks, and that puts a lot of pressure.