is there something funny?

It happens sometimes where people laugh at me. Not to my face. They try to hide it. Say I'm walking on campus and they are walking towards me, they will have this "wooo" expression in their eyes. They then look at their friend, who also tries to look away and not make it obvious they were staring. I also see a little smirk in their face, which becomes more relax and bigger as smile once they pass me (I slightly look back and see it). You know when you see something that makes you laugh, but you know it's not appropriate to laugh, and you don't want people to see that you're laughing so you try to hold it, but if someone was to watch you right at that moment it would be obvious you're holding something back? I'm sure some of you have done that before or noticed when others doing it, so yeah I can see that too.

It really pisses me off, and I wish I wasn't such an anxious person. I wish I would be able to turn around catch up with them and stand up for myself. Say what's on my mind, make them feel bad with themselves. I would want to say something like: "Is there something funny? Is this funny?" (pointing at my left side). Then I would assume they would feel bad, try to look away and not make eye contact because of how embarrased they feel. I would hope I would be able to continue saying "would you want to look like me?" obvious answer would be "no." I would then want to continue "yeah I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to look like me. But imagine you do look like me. It sucks right? you get up every morning with this face, no girl really looks at you with intrest, but you don't give up you know... you put your cloths on, you try to make something of your life, you go to college, but then two asswhole (should be obvious I'm impying that they are the assholes) are walking towards you, and laughing at you, how would you feel?"

It is pretty tough having your left side of the face paralyzed since you were a kid. You smile, but only one side moves. Every expression you do, only one side moves. Yeah it looks pretty weird. But how can people laugh?! People should be thankful they aren't in my shoes, and be friendly. They shouldn't make my life even more misarble by staring, laughing, elbowing their friend to take a look.

I feel I get judged a lot.

I'm stuck. It is hard to get disability money, I'm not disabled enough, and I also had jobs in the past which doesn't help when trying to get disability money. So no disability money, yet it is also very hard to find a job. I don't have a BA yet, so that takes out a bunch of jobs. Then because my left vocal cord is paralyzed, it takes out a whole bunch of other jobs (like a server/host in a restaurant, or a cashier at busy and loud burger joint). I have done food delivery jobs in the past. I have a clean driving record. Yet I applied to some pizza and other food delivery places a few times. My resume shows I have the experience, my driving record shows I'm a great driver with no accident or tickets. I'm available at the time they need a driver for. But I didn't get the job, meanwhile I keep seeing the place advertising that they need drivers.

I once emailed my resume to a place, they then called to ask me to stop by for an interview, and when I came there, they said they aren't hiring right now. That was just one place that was obvious where I was prejudged and discriminated. I was so confused and in shock that I didn't make a scene which was probably a good thing, but still I wish I did more to put that manager in his place, and make them feel bad. Maybe some
customers would hear it and won't come back. Altought that one place was the only one where it was clear I was prejudged, I believe it happened a few times more. Especially with those driving positions.

I do believe I get judged a lot. I bet that many times when I handed my resume to a manager and they said the usual "some one will call you if you fit the requirements..." they didn't really take a good look at my resume, but judged me and that was for my chances at that job. I also feel judged by my friends sometimes. I feel people see me as slow, or retarted. I feel sometimes females friends treat me with extra care. As though they are taking some motherly part, and feel they need to be extra nice to me. When I get the "heeey buuuddy" in a nice ton like you say to a 7 year old, I see it as some judgement, it gets me annoyed, but I don't show it. Of course I could be wrong. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. But I'm pretty sure a few times that it was the way I saw it. Another reason is because those same people were sure I was much younger than them. As though they saw me as their little pitiable brother.