mama's good boy

I would think people wouldn't be surprised when they found out I use cannabis. I think I have this pretty strong attribute of making people see a normal guy once they get to know me and we have hanged out somehow (work, class, friends...), they then I think see a mama's-good-boy person. I’m so not violent. I’m bitter and angry about my life, and I’m not sure how well people see it, if at all. But I’m not violent, I’m loving, friendly,  respectful... a good guy I guess. I feel that I’m quite a matured person, way more than the people around me. Maybe for some I’m frightening, because they admire me much, for how I’m out there, not hiding at home. But, uhhh, dang, that brings contrast memories and pain from childhood.

Back then I was treated with minimal respect from my classmates. Never really making fun of my face, but just making my life miserable, as the person they can tease, and did so for years. I guess as a kid, when you see someone like me, you feel superior, no questions asked.

Ok, so like in any class there is the big bully, that just makes the hell for many, but I think that his focus was mainly on me, of course I cannot prove it because I don't remember the incidents he had with others...

But then, say we make a chart of power, so the bully is on top, and below him he has a few, and below them there are more, then all those underneath the bully, won't go up the chart to tease him, they go down, they keep digging down till they are stuck on the easiest target.

Now side note, what kind of a smart ass picks an easy fight? If there was a Vegas line involving me, we can assume that the odds will always be in favor of the other person. It’s easy to yell at the one who suck in soccer, but he sucks, and you know it, why are you so surprised? It's the one who claim that are the best and suck that you yell at. They need to back up their word, and they’re failing. Yelling at me is like stating the obvious, make it was a way get attention from the gang. Maybe they had a contest to see who can harm me more.

But man, I think, well, again, I don't remember the ones that weren't surprised when they found out I smoke. I think I don't remember those ones because there’s nothing unusual about it for me, but if they are surprised, then I guess it pisses me off, annoying me. I don't show it, but I feel it inside me. Maybe I’m not happy that people see me as a mama's-good-boy. Or maybe just let it go, understand that there are many people in the world, some love you, some hate you, most will never know you. Just let it be.